There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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