NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Randomize
