i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
