we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
