The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
