did you get engaged???
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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