those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
