youre lurking in front of me
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
