i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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