I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
