I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
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