he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
