I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
