I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
