Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
