That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
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