It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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