I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
