In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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