I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
