ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
