I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
