Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
