I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
