so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
