I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Randomize
