Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
