am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
