i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
