The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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