She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
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