I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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