Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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