like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
