sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
