Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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