cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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