Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
