I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
