you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
