i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
