we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
