it wasn't lemon gatorade
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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