Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
