I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
