I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
This baby is an asshole
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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