We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
