five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
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