I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
