I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
