i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
